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It was supposed to rain Saturday. Precisely at the time that the Saint Patrick’s Day parade was scheduled to pass my house, the weather prognosticators predicted that the clouds would open up and treat us to a shower. That didn’t happen. The air was cold and the sky cloudy, but the people paraded. My son marched and sang. My friends and family cheered and socialized. I grilled and posed for photos.

Saturday was supposed to be the day when we lucked out and the clouds held out long enough to allow our festivities to remain dry. Instead, it was the day that my best friend lost his dad and yet one more father figure disappeared from my life.

I can’t think of another man still living, with whom I felt a stronger fatherly connection. There are men who were closer to my family and I’ve known many more years. However, Joel treated me like a dad. He was a guy who regularly welcomed me into his home with open arms. I’ve seen in his eyes, both pride at my successes and disapproval of bad decisions as I grew into adulthood before him. We’ve had serious discussions, but always peppered with humor and caring. I was around him enough to notice the subtle change in dynamic between us when I stopped being a silly teenager and became an equal.

Joel made me think sometimes, but usually he made me laugh…and I think he’d be prouder to know the latter. He was fond of telling the story of our first meeting; When I arrived at Seth’s house for the very first time to hang out, Joel answered the door wearing Mickey Mouse ears. The way he tells it, I was ready to bolt as soon as I saw him. The truth? I knew that I was at the right place, and saw where Seth gets his silliness from. A pinnacle of his prankster career was when his son made a snarky comment to him about making sure to wear deodorant to an important function. In compliance, Joel showed up in a suit, with a bottle of Right Guard hanging from a rope around his neck. “I’m wearing it!” He said. I still laugh about that one.

I appreciated his hospitality, his warmth, his humor, his view of the world, and even his comments on the girlfriends I brought around from time to time. “She’s a keeper!” He said more than once about Karen. And that meant a lot to me, since my own dad wasn’t around to pass judgment.

What’s sad is that many of these things go unsaid. I never told my dad how much I loved him before the cancer took him. I never told my grandfather that I admired his dancing skills well into his 80’s, before he succumbed to Alzheimer disease. And I never told Joel how much respect and admiration I had for him.

Our Saturday gathering was full of laughter and fun, just as every father figure I’ve known would appreciate. But as I sit and write this, I’m overcome with exhaustion. Friday was a very long day of preparation. Saturday has felt even longer. At this point, I really appreciate the value of rest. So as the rain crackles against my window in the dead of night, I can’t think of anything more profound to wish for Joel than a peaceful rest. He will be missed.

With the end of May, I leave a number of things behind me; my thirties, for starters. It seems that my numerical age is beginning to more accurately represent what my hair has been trying to say for a while now: I’m getting old. No longer a thirty-something, I have moved gracefully, if hesitantly, into my forties. With such a milestone so close behind me, it’s hard not to look back and reflect…on the past few weeks, anyway. Read on for more. More »

I stood this morning on the cusp of the crater that once was the World Trade Center in New York, paying my respects, when the sky opened up for just a moment and shed some tears. Barely enough to notice, not that anyone would, as caught up as they may be with emotion and excitement. Whether they were tears of joy, relief, sadness, or simply weather, isn’t for me to say. On the morning after we were told that Osama Bin Laden had been killed, what I can say though, is that not much had changed at Ground Zero.

The streets were a bit more crowded this morning. Complementing the usual crowds of commuters and business people were hoards of news media employees looking for content. News trucks clogged the streets. There were tourists a plenty, and local attention seekers. Managing it all, were countless first-responders, police, fire fighters, and emergency services personal. They now stand sentry over lower Manhattan where twin skyscrapers once presided. More »

I was only eleven years old when the original Tron dazzled movie goers with its futuristic glimpse into the digital world. Back then, computers were so simple that projecting anthropomorphic exaggerations of their elegance and grace, was the very definition of “fantasy.” Ascribing emotion, intelligence, and character to electronic processes within a computer was brilliant in its vision and simplicity. So audiences were captivated by the possibilities.

Today, we live in a digital world. Our games have artificial intelligence. Our phones correct our spelling. Our electric razors use “fuzzy logic.” Our smartest and strongest people are being outmatched at what they do best, by computers. So when Tron: Legacy was announced, I was both excited and concerned. How could an imaginary digital world compete with what we now live in?

I know that there’s been some harsh criticism of the new Tron movie, but when you accept that the original premise of Tron is pretty absurd, it becomes easier to enjoy it for what it is; a pretty piece of pop culture candy that’s big on flavor and short on substance.

If you’re interested in reading my full (and mostly spoiler-free) review, click below. More »

My latest undertaking is to become a referee for women’s flat-track roller derby. I’m dealing with a number of interesting thoughts and circumstances surrounding this latest adventure, some of which I intend to share with you here, but first a bit of background.

In case you don’t know, the sport of roller derby dates back many decades. It features two teams, each with five skaters, rolling around an oval track. The goal of each team is to assist their “Jammer” (a pre-determined fast skater) to lap the other team, while preventing their opponent’s Jammer from lapping them. Points are scored for every person a Jammer passes on the opposite team. There are a number of different rule sets by which bouts are governed, allowing for varying degrees of roughness in blocking tactics.

Back in the 1970’s, the game was played less as a competition and more as a show, like WWF wrestling. Decades later, a resurgence and new found legitimacy took over and captured the imaginations of spectators all across the US. Now, derby is a fast-paced action sport akin to football on wheels. New leagues and teams are springing up in many states. New Jersey alone is home to at least six leagues.
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We’ve all done it, doesn’t matter where or when. Maybe you’re at work, anxious to leave for other more interesting pursuits. You could be waiting for someone else to arrive for an appointed meeting time. Sometimes we even do it simply because we’re bored. I’m talking of course, about watching the clock; that time honored tradition of honoring the time above all else.

Employers hate it because they know that people who watch the clock are not attending to other, work related matters. Casinos make a point of not installing any clocks, hoping they can distract you enough with flashing lights and happy sounds to keep you gambling long after you should have stopped.

The interesting thing is that people don’t just sit still while watching the clock. In fact, human beings have a very difficult time just doing nothing. Instead, they occupy themselves with some inane activity to “pass the time.” That’s another way of saying “distract us from paying attention to time.”

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I decided tonight to finally watch “Twilight” because I felt it was a part of pop culture about which I was ignorant. My rationale was that it’s a vampire movie, not simply a teen romance fantasy. Well it turned out to be more about teen courtship, but I guess that isn’t surprising. What did strike me as interesting though is how blinded these characters were by their own conceit.

In the following paragraphs, I’ll give a number of examples from the movie, quoting lines, but not giving away any real plot points. If you’ve never seen this film and would like to not get anything spoiled, you’d be better off not reading further. In fact, even if you have seen the film, it might be a good idea to stop reading if you’d like it to remain a romantic fantasy in your mind.

The movie struck a chord with me because I can relate to the idea of being overcome enough with myself that I forget fundamental facts. For instance, when I’m out on a dance floor grooving to the music, I tend to forget that I am a big, hairy dude pushing 40. In my mind, I am a good dancer who can keep the rhythm and execute some moves pretty well. I think I look pretty good, if only for a few moments while the music has me captivated. Without my positive self-image, I supposed I wouldn’t be comfortable enough to dance at all. So it isn’t always a bad thing. More »

Almost every morning when I head into Manhattan for work, I have an hour to reflect on things as a boat carries me from Jersey to New York.

Of course one of the things I think about frequently is the vessel responsible for my safe transport across the ocean. It seems well maintained and expertly piloted, but I wonder what the likelyhood of it sinking is. More »

Well, I said a couple days ago that I might change things up a bit and here’s a good way to do that. This blog post is coming to you, for the first time, from my iPhone directly.

Turns out there’s an app for that. So now I don’t have to lock myself in my office for hours at a time to slave over a new blog entry. Consequently, I’ll have no excuse for not posting more frequently. As an example, this last paragraph was typed up while riding the subway only a couple of stops. And I don’t need to use a registry cleaner for posting from my iPhone.

I can’t wait to see how this application will impact my blogging. It’s truly an exciting morning, discovering this new world of possibilities.

My talent for reflection on the subtext of the world around me has put me in a weird headspace as I embark upon the final year of my thirties. I feel like a midlife crisis is due any minute now, even though I can’t imagine ever living long enough to make my thirties qualify as “mid-life.”

Part of the problem might be that my father never made it out of his forties alive. So there’s a certain amount of apprehension that comes with attempting to conquer what he couldn’t, especially since he seemed almost supernatural in his power and resolve when he was alive.

Still, I’ve never been one to be scared. I mean sure I’d get nervous sometimes, or startled by horror movies. I’ll get a sense of dread when I feel something bad is about to go down. None of that is fear though. Previously, the only true fear that registered in my memory banks was when others’ lives were on the line. When my son was battling to survive against the odds after he was born early, or when my wife was trapped in the city on 9-11-01, I know I was scared for them. More »